Today I am 43. I don’t feel 43. I don’t think I act 43 but there it is just the same (no, the picture above is not my birthday cake…but I wish it could be!).
I find that as I get older I tend to look back at the past year…where I am….where I am going to see if I am on the right path. This year…not so much!
The past year has been a difficult one – mentally, physically, and financially. Just a little over a year ago, hubby and I made the decision to move our family back to Georgia and to move in with his parents to help his mother care for his father who has dementia. It was obvious at the time that my MIL was nearing the breaking point…we hoped that our help would make things easier for her…we just didn’t know how close to the breaking point she was.
My MIL moved out in November and left hubby and I to be the full-time caregivers for my FIL. She said she couldn’t take it any more and needed to find her happiness elsewhere (with another man). I have struggled so much over the past year to find a way to get over my anger with her for this. I don’t think I will ever understand a mother’s desire to find her happiness at the expense of her children but I know it happens all too often. I am also having a hard time coming to terms with my SIL’s lack of involvement with her father’s care. My FIL’s care, in its entirety, rests on our shoulders.
As a result, I have become the breadwinner for my family. My hubby stays at home to care for his father and is creating a software program that he hopes to market sometime in the near future. I was laid off in November but I think that turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the job I have now is much better (both professionally and financially)…it is still just a contract job but I am hopefull that I will become a permanent employee sometime in the near future.
On a good note…I am trying to keep a good attitude and not be bitter about the turn our life has made. Most days, I do a good job. My saving grace is, of course, my knitting. In many ways, knitting has saved me. I suffer from depression and an anxiety disorder and the time I spend knitting is very therapeutic for me. I have also started teaching at my LYS and the friends I have made there and the ability to pass along my knitting knowledge has really been a God-send.
Our children are thriving in their new environment. I will admit that I was worried about moving our oldest DS at the beginning of his junior year in high school but he has really made the adjustment easily and I think is actually happier here than he was at his old school in New Orleans. I am happy that our children will have strong memories of living with their grandfather and will also see that it is important to be there for your family even when it isn’t easy.
A couple of weeks ago, hubby and I celebrated our 21st anniversary. These days, when so many marriages end in divorce, I feel so very blessed that I was lucky enough to find my soul-mate at such a young age (we met when I was 15). Our personalities compliment each other so well and I know that no matter what happens in the future we will get through it together. I can honestly say that I couldn’t have gotten through the past year (with my sanity intact) without him!
There have been some ups and some downs over the past year but I am hopeful that things will turn around during the next year for all of us…if not, at least we have each other.
